Friday Night Fail: Masturbation Gone Wrong

I have titled this post-Friday Night Fail: Masturbation Gone Wrong, but it could also be known as “why you probably shouldn’t buy sex toys from China.”

So as some of you may know I have a Sex Bucket List and one of the things on my list is to wear a remote controlled vibrator in public and let my husband be in control of the remote. I recently went on Amazon and purchased this vibrating wearable butterfly toy.

After a long day at work and errands ran I checked the mail and was surprised to see my new toy had arrived earlier than expected. I had a busy night ahead of me as I was planning on attending the local high school football game with my husband. There was no time for fun and games..or was there? After a little prompting from my eager husband I gave in and decided to try on my new toy for size. There were no instructions or directions to help us so luckily it was a pretty easy setup. Just attach the straps in the slots on the side of the toy and then strap onto my thighs.

My hubby was all too ready to help and I was in a hurry so I quickly removed my pants and panties and laid down on the bed while he inserted the silicone vibrator inside me and adjusted the straps on my thighs. The straps were easily adjustable much like the straps on a bra. Once strapped on it felt snug and in place but I slipped a lacy pink thong atop for added support. Just a fast stop at the local Fred’s for batteries and we would be on our way.

I sat in the parking lot watching my husband insert the AAAs in the remote. Once hesitant I was now looking forward to our little secret. He pushed the button on the little pink remote and I watched as the light lit up and nothing. He proceeded to push it over and over and yet nothing happened.

Hmm…maybe there was a switch or something on the toy we had missed. I reached into my jeans and felt around. I couldn’t feel a switch. I was going to have to remove the toy and have a look. A careful glance around the parking lot told me it was a little too busy for this here so we headed down the road. Once on the road, I unbuttoned my pants and unhooked the straps and removed the toy from my slightly wet pussy. As I removed it the head of the vibrator came off and we noticed there had been another battery compartment we had missed. Ok, same size batteries, easy fix.

I added the batteries as we continued to drive down the road, all the while discussing dinner plans. A push of the remote button and…nothing. Really? I continued to fiddle with the toy, maybe the batteries were in wrong, maybe the part wasn’t screwed back just right. Nope. Nothing we did worked.

Finally, we arrived at the high school ready to watch the football game, having decided it was too late to stop for dinner. Normally parking is free but today a teenager is fastly approaching our vehicle gathering money as I struggle to hide the toy and cover up the fact my jeans are still unbuttoned and partially down on my hips. By now this had been one crazy and disappointing night.

While the toy was a fail my wonderful husband was sure to make it up to me once we got home. Now more than ever we both are looking forward to purchasing a new remote controlled vibrating toy and crossing this adventure off of our list.


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TMI Tuesday: Night Time Is The Right Time

TMI Tuesday blogIt’s Tuesday, well it’s actually Monday night but close enough. Here is this week’s edition of TMI Tuesday, where you get to know a little more about me outside the bedroom.  This week’s questions are all about Night Time.

1. When I can’t sleep I want to__be held by my husband__ .

2. My dream bedroom would be full of __candles and mirrors___ .

3. If I could wake up anywhere tomorrow it would be _somewhere close to the ocean____ .

4. I need to _be naked___ at night.

5. _Growing up (I have Peter Pan Syndrome) _ would truly be a nightmare.

6. Night time is the right time to _relax, get naked, listen to music, and have “sexy time” _ .

Bonus: Briefly tell us about your last dream–erotic or not.

I work in a warehouse and they have a slight rodent problem and I am really afraid of rats and mice so when I saw a little mouse venturing out near my work area I was afraid and it led me to dream about this…..

I was in the warehouse and the power went off and I saw a rat run across the floor. So here I am standing on a table screaming for my husband (who also works where I do) then another, then a possum, then a dog. So basically there are hundreds of mice and rats and a few other animals running around and I am on a table screaming in the middle of a warehouse. Yeah, weird, I know.

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T.M.I. Tuesday: Deep Thoughts

I recently ran across this fun idea and decided even though it might not provide bedroom ideas it would be a great way for you to get to know a little more about me.

TMI Tuesday blog1. What promises have you never carried through for yourself? I promised myself I would live one day at a time and not worry about what that future holds. That has proven to be a little difficult and while I haven’t technically broken that promise it is a work in progress.

2. If you could change one law of your country, what would it be? I live in the US where circumcision is quite common for baby boys even though it has been proven to be nothing more than a cosmetic procedure. I would like for the laws to protect male genital mutilation just as it does for females.

3. Are you a starter or a finisher? Definitely a starter. I will begin all sorts of projects and not carry through with them.

4. How do Mondays feel for you? What about Tuesdays? I am currently working a dead end job with long hours. My dream is to be able to generate enough income from my blog to quit said job. So Mondays are a reminder to me that I am a prisoner of the work force and I no longer have my day to myself. Tuesday is much the same.

5. What scares you about your future? I am nearing 40 and that scares me. I feel like there is a lot in life that I still want to do, lots of places I’d still like to travel. I feel like I don’t have enough stories to tell. I’m scared of running out of time or getting to old to do the things I’d like to do in life.

Bonus: What do you wish you cared less about? I wish I cared less about what other people think about me.

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A is for Anal: Tips for Beginners

This is the first installment of my A to Z sex blog series where I work my way through the alphabet, touching on a new sexual topic that may be of interest to couples with each new letter. My hope is to finish all 26 letters by the end of September. So without further ado….A is for Anal.

Many couples are curious about anal play and sex and for good reason, the anal area can be an erogenous zone for many. I personally love anal sex but my first experience was a horrible one. My partner and I did not know what we were doing. I was young and nervous and had never read anything about anal sex. He had watched just enough porn videos to be dangerous and broke all of the rules, he went in fast, we didn’t use lube (a definite no-no, especially for beginners!), and worst of all he did not listen to me when I communicated with him that it was painful. Partners should always listen to one another and if one partner is not enjoying the experience it should be halted immediately and anal sex should never be painful.

Here are some of the best anal sex tips for beginners:

1. Use lots of lube.

While the vagina is naturally lubricated the anus is not. A good water-based lube will be your best friend when it comes to anal play even if you decide not to penetrate. The tissue in the anus is more sensitive than the vagina and you want to avoid this being an uncomfortable experience.


2. Go slow and relax.

Items similar to Slow Slow Parking Sign - Wall Decal on Etsy

Slow is going to be key to the enjoyment of anal sex. Make sure your partner is relaxed and ready to receive. Start with some foreplay, stimulate the area with a finger or tongue. Insert lube fingers or a small toy designed for the area like a butt plug before trying out his member. When and if you are ready for penetration make sure your partner puts his penis in slowly. If you are nervous try rubbing your clit and focus on how good that feels during the insertion process.

3.  Communicate with your partner.

Using your words and listening to your partner will ensure you both have an enjoyable experience. Be honest with your partner about how you are feeling or if you feel you need a break or to change something. Be receptive to your partner’s suggestions and in tune with their needs so you both have a “happy ending.”


A quick word of caution for those new to anal play. Wash any toys, fingers, or your penis (or change condoms) before inserting them into the vaginal area. Bacteria found in the anus can lead to a vaginal or urinary tract infection if it finds its way into the vagina.

I hope my sharing of my first experience and these tips have not scared you away from anal play. My intentions were to offer some advice so that it would be a more enjoyable experience for both you and your partner. Fast forward almost two decades and a husband who listens to my needs and I have found anal sex to be quite an orgasmic experience.


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Masturbation Monday: Sex Diary Entry


It has been a long week and I am exhausted. It is 3 am and I think about just going to sleep but I really want to cum and more than that I really want HIM to cum. After a few minutes of kissing I reach down and begin to stroke his manhood. I spit on my hand and stroke the now wet penis up and down. I adore the way his sexy brown eyes look at me intensely and his mouth is slightly gaped open in ecstasy. I know he wants to explode but I want to see him jack-off. I stop and begin to caress his balls in my hand hoping he will continue where I left off. He takes the bait (or rather the dick) and begins to jerk vigorously. I can’t handle it anymore. I spread my legs and reach down to my now swollen clit. I rub it with my middle finger, quickly with side to side motion. He watches, moving his hand up and down the shaft of his penis faster and faster. With our naked bodies touching side by side my eyes dart from his face to his hand, not being able to decide which I’d rather see, his look of wanting that release or his hand on his throbbing hard cock. I cum first, fast and hard. I slip my fingers inside and place them dripping wet inside my lover’s mouth. That is all it takes, he explodes his load all over my trembling naked body. As his warm cum touches my skin I cum again. It drips down my neck, it covers my bare breast and trickles over my hard nipples, it dribbles over the sides of my plump belly and towards my hairless pussy. I look at him and all I can say is “thank you.”

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Sex Bucket List

A bucket list is a list of things you would like to do before you die. Many people make this list in hopes they will get around to crossing all the things off their list before they “kick the bucket.” A few months ago I ran into an article where someone had a sexual bucket list. A sex bucket list is just like a bucket list but instead of seeing things like “travel to a foreign country” or “ride in a hot air balloon,” you are more likely to see “join the mile high club” or “trying the 69 position.” Some people focus more on people they would like to have sex with while others focus on places they would like to have sex or new positions they would like to incorporate. Intrigued with the idea, I have decided to make my own sexual  bucket list. I thought it might be fun to share my list with my readers and blog about my experiences as I cross them off of my list.

Get Organised with a to do list

Here are just a few things to keep in mind if you decide to make your own sexual bucket list. If you  are married or in a committed relationship it is important to communicate with your partner about your list and discuss anything your partner may be apprehensive about. My spouse and I made our sexual bucket list together and this can be a fun and eye-opening experience. Maybe you will discover that your partner has always wanted to try role-playing or has a fantasy about being tied up and didn’t know how to communicate this with you. A sexual bucket list can be a go to of fun ideas when things seem to be stuck in a rut.

Another thing to remember is that your sexual bucket list is not set in stone. Feel free to change the list as you see fit. It is meant to be fun and, if at anytime it is not, change it! Just because you thought it would be exciting to have sex in a car doesn’t mean it will be for you, if it is more uncomfortable than fun stop doing it and take it off your list. If you run across a new idea you want to try don’t forget to add it to your list!

So without further ado, you can check out my sex bucket list HERE. Feel free to comment below and let me know what items you have on your list.

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